Titolo: A deeper connection
Fandom: Star Wars
P ersonaggi: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, K2-SO
Warning: missing moment, feels
Note: ambientata durante gli eventi di Rogue One, prima della partenza per Scarif. Scritta per il Cow-T di Mari di Challenge. Potrebbe contenere errori because english.
A deeper connection
He has always been a loner.
K2-SO has been his only companion for years and Cassian has never complained. He doesn’t do well with people, never did, they tend to want things and have opinions and be judgemental. He doesn’t like to be judged.
A robot is the perfect company for someone like him, although he should have been more careful while reprogramming it because his sarcastic personality has the tendency to get on his nerves. He wouldn’t change it for anything else, though.
Princess Leia Organa did ask him numerous times if he wanted a more functional drone, maybe a protocollar one, like hers. He refused every single time. Kaytoo is what he deserves. A trashy apathetic robot who cares way too much in his unusual irritating way.
He never wanted company, he never wanted anyone else. Not real people, anyway.
Cassian Andor knows himself too well, he knows his weakness, he knows that deep inside he’s a broken man; he is also well aware of the importance of not showing it, never. His tears and his pain are something he must keep for himself, and sometimes for his sarcastic companion.
He has done things, in his life, that he is not proud of and others that he wishes he could forget, although he keeps refusing every memory erasing treatment that Kaytoo seems so eager to offer him when he sees him crying.
Truth is, that’s it’s not about forgetting, it’s about accepting the person he has become.
Which is odd. Because lately he’s starting to think that maybe, after all, he is not such an awful man. He’s not sure when he started thinking it, when he let this childish though infiltrate his mind. Maybe it was the moment he first let his eyes on her: her stern look, the cynicism emanating from her persona like an aura. He didn’t even like her at first. Not until he saw her fighting. She fought like an army.
Maybe it was when he saved those people in Jedha; it was more that they followed them, but he could have left them there, dying. They were not his mission, nor were their lives. But he saved them nonetheless, they became his friends. Which was a strange word for him to think about.
Or maybe, just maybe, it was in the exact moment he saw Jyn’s eyes through the rifle blaster, while he was about to shoot Galen Erso.
It was because of her. It is because of her.
Because of the way she looks at him, believing him to be more than he actually is, believing him a better person, and it’s the way she believes that makes him want to be better, that makes him want to be the man that she sees.
He smiles, gently, while looking at her from afar. She’s packing, getting ready for a suicidal mission that happens to be the only way to save the universe. He wishes he have had the time to know her better.
«Cassian, we are ready to leave».
«Thanks, Kaytoo» he replies, without gazing away from Jyn.
«I have calculated every possible outcome for this mission. There is a 99% of probability that we will all die».
«Kaytoo, it’s a wonderful day, let’s not get everyone morale six feet underground».
«It is indeed a wonderful day, I’m glad the sun puts you at ease considering the possible outcome of the mission».
«Kaytoo» Cassian mutters, turning his head towards the drone «Can you please give me five minute of peace and serenity?»
«Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when we’ll fall like leaves in the wind».
«For fuck’s sake, go on board you old piece of junk!».
Kaytoo is what he deserves. At least that’s what he has thought for too long and it’s what he has to repeat multiple times in his mind; lately he has found himself wondering for something else: a deeper connection, a warmer, more human company.
Who the hell is he kidding? He doesn’t just want any company. He wants hers.
Jyn raises her head and looks at him. She smiles.
The idea of leaving for a suicidal mission is suddenly less discomforting if she is coming with him.
Cassian smiles back. The rays of the sun shine over the old buildings on Yavin 4, over Jyn’s hair, over his face.
Cassian as never felt so at ease with the world, so at peace, so calm and serene.
It’s a beautiful day to die, he thinks, as I will not die alone.