Note: scritta per l'ultima settimana del CoW-T 7, non so bene cosa sia, di base il primo capitolo di qualcosa che non ho chiaro nemmeno io e che si è sviluppato nella mia testa. MODERN AU. Jyn/Cassian
Seer of death, keeper of lives #1
She woke up with the words still echoing in her ears, yet she couldn’t properly remember what they were or what the man in the dream was trying to tell her. Who was him? She didn’t know him, of that Jyn was sure, yet it was not one of those certainties you would put your hand on a fire for as his face was blurred and out of focus and she couldn’t even remember the colour of his eyes, or the sound of his voice.
She sat on the corner of the hospital bed, turning her hand into a fist and she inhaled deeply; she had been having this sort of dreams since the accident, visions. They were mostly visions of the past but sometimes, somehow, they turned into visions of the future and she could see glimpses of what would happen except they were never clear, sometimes the visions were blurred and confused and came in shattered images, like fragments reflected by a broken mirror, others they were linear and clear, but she didn’t know the people in the and she didn’t know where they would take place. So, she had been having this vision, but had done nothing to stop them, to prevent the things that were happening, that most of the times were not good things.
No wonder she had been having nightmares, dreams of death and pain. She used to dream this light, so bright and dangerous and beautiful, and, in the dream, she knew it was the end and that the light would have brought her death, but she was so calm, and pacific and tranquil that she knew she didn’t care. She didn’t know why, though, nor she cared.
For years she kept dreaming and ignoring dreams until the day of the accident, when everything changed, when her life was taken from her and everything turned into dust.
The cars slammed into each other with a bang and the plates crumpled up like they were made of paper, there was blood everywhere, it was as if a dam had broken and all the red liquid had been set free. It was horrific and terrible and Jyn wanted to scream and cry, but she had no voice, crushed behind the air bag, so she cried, silently, hoping for someone to arrive and rescue her. Hoping to be saved.
She didn’t die, of course, and now she was lying in an hospital bed. With her legs all tied up in bandages, two broken ribs and a broken arm; the guy who crushed her car and provoked the accident had died, somehow she had been lucky. Her brother told her it was Lyra who protected her, but she believed it was her father.
Both her parents were death, and Bodhi, her precious adopted brother, was all that she had; yet she was more prone to believe that it had been Galen Erso, the one who had actually died while protecting his children during the fall of the twin towers, the one who had protected her. Again. Not that she had anything against her mother, but Lyra was a driven and kind woman who believed in love and who had given up her life for her husband in a dreadful shooting in a market. There were an insane – and somehow absurd – amount of sacrifices going on in her family, and Jyn and Bodhi had sworn to each other never to die in the other place.
They both knew the pain and sense of guilt of the one who survived and didn’t want to force such a burden on the other.
The hospital was a private structure an anonymous donor had paid for her. Of course, he was anonymous just in theory because she was very well aware of who he was, his name was Saw Gerrera, and he was an old friend of her family as well as her old legal tutor.
Old because now that she was almost thirty Jyn didn’t need anyone’s help in her life, which was part of the problem because despite her still being convinced of being a perfectly functional and indipendent human being it was clear for everyone that it was a lie. And not one of those white lies you tell yourself to feel a bit better, like “I’m stating the diet on Monday”, it was a huge life destroyer lie that had brought her several times in a terrible position: usually in a police office or in the hospital.
Anyway, the hospital was incredibly white and boring and she wished she could just run away or hide somewhere, but of course she couldn’t, because she couldn’t lift her legs, hell she couldn’t even move them.
The nurse’s head appeared in the corner of her eyesight, telling her something from the door entrance «Your security officer is here to check on you, Miss Erso».
Of course he was. He must had waited for her regain conscience and today it was the first day she was allowed any visits.
«You are a disaster, Jyn Erso» he said the moment he walked into the room, and willing or not she laughed – and, god, the broken ribs, why was it so painful to laugh?
Cassian Andor was a good man, maybe not a perfect cop, but surely a good man. He had following her for years, since the first time she was arrested trying to set her on a nicer path, a better path. He even took her to a psychologist one, asserting she had problems controlling her rage – which of course was bullshit, she was just angry, who wasn’t in 2017? Anyway, he took her under his protective wing, interceding for her with his superiors, trying to help whenever he could.
Jyn had been hating him for that. Was that pity? Or was sympathy? Or did he want something in return? She couldn’t understand the concept of doing something for a stranger, for free, out of good heart. Which of course was strange, given her family’s record. It took her some time to understand him, mostly because she was so stubborn and didn’t even want to talk to him.
Eventually, she ended up liking him, a lot. And not liking in an admiring way, for being an exceptional human being, a good cop and a fantastic social worker, more like liking for his crooked smile, and his Mexican accent, and the way he used to ask her if she wanted to eat quesadillas for lunch and wanting to actually have lunch with him.
«It wasn’t my fault» she protested, and her voice was thin and feeble «Well, it wasn’t this time».
«I know, kid, I know. I mean I talked to the traffic officer and the guy in the ambulance and some other people, they all know» he reassured her as he took a chair to sit on a side of her bed «Are you alright?»
«That’s a stupid question, Cassian».
«I know, but are you?»
«I’m still alive, I have two broken ribs, a broken arm and I can’t feel my legs».
He made a face, that sort of face he used for the situations he didn’t like, for the people that were annoying and whenever someone call to tell him she was in trouble.
«Are they… Will you… Shit».
«I will walk again, smartass, I didn’t break my spine, but they have multiple fractures and there are cuts and some other shit. I did something like two operations to fix them somehow, and I’ll to make another one in a couple of days».
«That’s a relief» he said, smiling faintly.
«That I get to be operated again?»
«That you can still walk, smartass».
They laughed, and Jyn felt a bit better.
«What’s next?» he asked again.
«What do you mean?»
«After the operation, Jyn, after the operation».
«Oh, I think I’ll have to keep the plasters on for quite a while and then I’ll have to do some physiotherapy».
«We’ll do it» he promised, and Jyn smiled.
«Cassian Andor, helper of cripples, saviour of rascals».
«Don’t mock me kid, everyone needs someone to help them in times of need, to help them heal».
«And I got you, ain’t I lucky?»
He bended over her and gently patted her head.
«Shut up, sleep for a while and don’t pester me, kid».
«Stop calling me kid, then».
«Try and heal, and I’ll try and call you Jyn».
«Appealing as it’s a win-win, for me».
He laughed, and took her hand in his, smiling gently; Jyn’s heart melted a bit.
«Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up».
«Is this a promise?»