fandom: rogue one
note: LJ mi fa tagliare i post lunghi, sorry
Jyn was sure she was an idiot.
They had had dinner at a famous Chinese restaurant in town, he had offered, she had laughed. They had had sex once again, she had been calling – screaming – his name, until her throat had gone soar. He had kissed her body until there wasn’t a single spot left unkissed.
It wasn’t love, it was fire, and it scared both of them
Cassian called her after three days, asking if she wanted to come with him to meet Galen Erso. He wasn’t sure why he asked her to, for he still didn’t trust Liana; there was something that was bothering him, something she had said during their conversation in the abandoned building that still sound off to him. He wasn’t sure what it was, couldn’t quite focus on it.
She came off from a yellow taxi, her hair was covering her face, one of her hands was playing with a small pendant around her neck.
«Is this where he lives?»
Cassian nodded, glancing the small yellow building where Galen Erso had been resident for the past five years.
«I thought he was rich».
«He was, he lost almost all his money, he lives here with other retired scientists. The facility had been built by the government and it’s free for its employees».
It was a sad place, filled with loneliness and horrible paintings on the walls.
«It looks like those people had been forgotten by the world» she noticed.
«It’s because they are» Cassian replied, he said nothing more, guiding her around a small corridor towards the main hall of the building.
Galen Erso was sitting on an old armchair in the common room; the lines around his eyes were deep and strong, his smile was sad. Jyn felt her heart skipping a beat.
«Doctor Erso» Cassian waved «Hello again. She’s Liana, the girl I told you about yesterday».
The man raised his eyes and placed his gaze on Liana, he smiled kindly and offered her his hand.
«Nice to meet you, young girl, I’m Galen Erso».
Jyn felt her legs shaking, and she had to force herself not to hug her father.
She feel the desperate need to cry, she did not.
«The pleasure’s all mine, Doctor, I’m Liana Hallik» she muttered.
«I’ll leave you two to it, your photography thing, Liana. I’ll be right back, I have some questions for Doctor Vann and Doctor Argonne».
Cassian disappeared behind a door and Jyn fell to her knees, in front of her father.
«Are you okay? Are you not feeling well? Shall I call someone?» Galen asked, his voice was concerned and apprehensive, and Jyn started to cry, remembering how he used the very same inflexion when he was worried about her, for something.
She shook her head and took one of his hands; she guided it towards her neck, to touch the small crystal she was using as a pendant.
«It was my mother» she cried softly, Galen breathed, not exactly sure what she was trying to tell him «She gave it to me the day before she died, before she was killed. That day my father told me that whatever he was doing, he was doing it to protect me. I told him I understood, but I didn’t. I do now».
Galen raised his hand, for a brief moment he was tempted to cry out for the detective to come, but he changed his mind as he saw a glimpse into the young girl eyes; with a gentle movement he moved her hair from her eyes and blinked a couple of times.
«It’s me, papa, it’s Jyn. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I never came back before, I thought you were dead».
Galen was a man of science: he didn’t believe in things that couldn’t have been proved. He believed in math, physics, never once before had he believed in fate, but this time he knew – he could feel it, that she was his Jyn. She was his daughter. He remembered something he said once, when he was younger, right before meeting Lyra: Mathematics isn't just science, it is poetry—our efforts to crystallize the unglimpsed connections between things. Poetry that bridges and magnifies the mysteries of the world.
His arms wrapped her in a warm hug, he was crying, even if not nearly as much as Jyn was.
The lines that were connecting all thing, guiding them thought life and death had guided his daughter to him; his life suddenly seemed less ugly, less lonely, worth once again of being lived.
«I searched for you everywhere, for a while I thought that Orson might have captured or worse, killed you, but, in the end, I realized his threats were empty. I have no idea where you have been or where you went, but I’m just glad you are alive».
«I was with Saw. He saved me, he raised me» she sniffed, as her father helped her get up.
She frantically searched for a tissue in her purse to wipe away her tears, she didn’t want Cassian to discover who she was. Not yet.
«I’ve been using aliases. Right now, I’m known as Liana Hallik, photographer» she didn’t mention her activity as a killer.
«Detective Andor mentioned something about a photo».
«Wanna see? I’m pretty good at this» she laughed «Smile, Papa».
«I’m too old, Jyn. It should be me the one taking pictures, look how beautiful you have become, and clever, and talented».
She smiled, as she clicked on the button, capturing the teary-eyed face of her own father, lightened by the dim rays of the sun coming in from the large window.
Cassian entered the room in that moment; he looked perplexed and slightly annoyed. Something was off, but he couldn’t quite get what it was.
«Are you done?» he asked.
Jyn nodded, then she reached for his hand and gave him the camera.
«Would you take us a picture? Please?» she pleaded, with unexpected kindness.
Galen nodded, as Jyn reached him he passed his arm over her shoulder and they both smiled.
The light of the flash was bright as the joy the both felt in that moment; but, as all good thing had always been for those who have sinned, it was but a brief moment.
As the girl approached the Detective, in order to retrieve her camera, a motorbike entered the garden and a man with a gun shot inside the window; they ducked, but even if able to avoid the gunshots, they couldn’t avoid the grenade.
The rumbling overwhelmed all other sound. Jyn tightened her grip on Cassian, and he found the strength to hold her. And the world grew brighter, her heart started to run faster as a dull whistle echoed in her ears. Debris went everywhere, but all she could think about was her father. She had been raised by Saw Guerrera, with fire and blood, murder and death were parts of her; Galen Erso was a scientist and a man of peace. He had always been stubborn, a thinker and a man of principle who always refused to carry a gun.
«Jyn!» he screamed.
The girl wiggled, escaping from Cassian’s grasp, and run towards the voice.
«Papa!» she was not ready, not now, not after having found him again after all those years.
She didn’t care about Cassian, she didn’t care about the dangers; her hand found the small gun hidden in her purse as she rushed towards the cloud of dust from where she supposed her father was standing.
Galen was in a pool of blood, half mashed by a huge part of the wall, that had collapsed over him; she pressed him over his chest, as her hands checked every part of his body for wounds. She started to cry, her hands were shaking so much she had to lower the gun.
«Jyn, my Stardust, it’s okay. Don’t cry».
«Papa, Papa, please don’t!»
«I’m so glad I was able to see you, one more time. My Jyn. My Stardust»
Galen Erso died, but he died content; his agony and loneliness were finally over, ended by the delicate smile of his long-lost daughter. He died and was finally able to reunite with Lyra in a dimension, in a world he didn’t believed in when he was alive; the strings that moved his universe, his life and death were cut, and he finally found the peace he had been striving for all his life.
Jyn gasped, searching for air, she couldn’t find any. Several other explosions filled the air, as the building started to crumble and high flames spread across the rooms; her training kicked in, preventing her from having a nervous breakdown, preventing her from crying hugging her father body.
Galen Erso was dead, it was time for his daughter to live.
She searched the room for cover and for Cassian. She spotted him out of the shelter of the doorframe, stupidly, dangerously near the explosions and stupidly, dangerously near her position, and she suddenly realized he’d already seen her, he had heard the entire conversation. He had his own gun out, but he hadn’t use it yet, there was no one to use it against.
She left her father’s hand and sprinted towards Cassian.
«We have to run» she yelled, over the noise of the fire and the explosions «The building is collapsing»
He hesitated, he wanted to confront her, to stop her and aske who she was. He had so many questions, yet he felt like for the first time he was starting to trust her.
In the end Cassian nodded, Jyn took his hand and run out of the door.
The building collapsed behind them in a cloud of debris, dust and smoke; when they dissolved enough for him to see and look around, Liana had vanished.
She was expecting sirens and police cars, but no one came.
When her prepaid phone run, it was already late in the evening, the display flashed and showed her the name she had been expecting to see: Detective Cassian Andor.
«We need to talk» he blurted out as soon as she answered the call.
«I know» Jyn replied «Cassian, I-»
«No. Not the phone. I want to see you».
«I don’t think it’s a good idea» she noticed, passing a hand over her tired eyes.
«I want to see you alone».
«I still don’t believe it’s a good idea, besides you don’t trust me, and I don’t trust you. Not completely at least».
«You owe me an explanation».
Jyn didn’t answer, this was a stupid idea. One of many stupid ideas she has had during the last few days.
«There’s a motel, right down the highway that leads out of town. It’s called Scarif, I’ll wait for you».
The hot boiling water had washed away both the dirt and her tears, and Jyn was feeling emptier that she thought she would have ever felt in her life.
The truth was she had never expected to meet her father, she had come to Coruscant to kill Krennic, to get her revenge and get on with her life; now the thought of leaving everything behind again, of moving on, seemed impossible to her.
Someone knocked at the door and she stood up. She was wearing nothing but her undergarments, holding her gun in one hand, keeping it hidden behind her back.
She opened the door a bit, and relaxed a bit when she realized it was actually him.
«Are you alone?»
«I am, can I came in?»
She moved aside then closed the door behind him. He glanced at her then looked at her gun.
«I guess there are many things I don’t know about you, Liana Hallik. If that’s even your real name».
«What happened to the body of Galen Erso?» she interrupted.
«It was brought away by the coroners of the Police. It was hectic, and you were disappeared».
«Did you tell them about me?»
«I did what I needed to do» he muttered.
She got closer, her gun still in her hand; Cassian was unfazed.
«You have to tell me».
«You told me nothing so far».
«So far» she agreed «But you have to remember, Cassian, trust goes both ways».
He sat on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes, passing his hands over his face; Jyn noticed they were still black from the dust and the dirt.
«I didn’t» he whispered «I didn’t tell them about you. How could I ever?»
He stretched out his hand, reaching for her; she leaned in, passing her arms over his shoulders, the gun fell silently on the bed, then on the ground. Cassian rested his head over her stomach.
They remained like that for a couple of minutes, standing in complete silence.
After what looked like an eternity, Cassian raised his head and finally foundin himself the strength to ask the right question.
«Liana… Is Liana your real name?»
Jyn backed, standing in front of him.
«No. No it’s not».
«What’s your real name? Who are you?» he asked, waiting for the answer he had been waiting for all his life.
«Oh, Cassian. Don’t you know already?»
«I want to hear it, I need to hear it from you».
She sighed, biting her lower lip.
«My name is Jyn Erso. I’m the daughter of Galen and Lyra Erso, and I’m very well alive».
Cassian sighed, he was on his feet before Jyn could even stop him; his hands grasped her and his arms slide over her waist, pulling her near.
«I knew» he whispered in her hair, kissing the top of her head «I knew you weren’t dead»
He caressed her cheek and kissed her softly.
«I’ve looked for you, for years» he whispered again.
«I know» Jyn replied.
She felt her eyes filling with tears, she leaned in, sinking her face in his neck, and she started to cry.
Cassian had many questions, mostly there were stories he needed to hear, answers he was looking for. Jyn cried, he held her. But most of all, they talked, he listened for Jyn. He listened for her struggles. He listened for her voice. He tried to determine who was trying to talk to him with her heart in her hands, if was Liana – a photographer, a killer, a liar – or if it was Jyn, the woman he had been looking for all his life, the woman he knew nothing about. In the end, Cassian decided it didn’t matter, because both of them were Jyn Erso, and it wasn’t a matter of truth or lies, only love.
The next morning Cassian woke up crying; he was naked, under the white blankets, and alone. There was no evidence of Jyn, of her presence, of her ever being there; all that was left were the sensation of a kiss on his cheek and the terrifying awareness of being alone
He hadn't known her, didn't know her, of course. There wasn't the time. Yet, that day Cassian Andor felt like he had lost something; a part of him had been stolen, and there was no way he’d ever feel whole again without it.
Jyn never knew the effect she had on others - never realized the intensity of her own humanity or the presence she brought to a room. She was, as expected, troubled and quarrelsome; she was also impossible to ignore or forget.
She knew her line of work didn’t exactly get along with Cassian's and that was the reason why she had decided that the best thing for the both of them would have been to stay as far away as possible from each other. But every time she thought about that long night of confessions and old secrets shared in a dirty Motel room, Jyn couldn’t help thinking that that had been the best night of her life.
What she knew, was that she had left something behind. Her father was death, but Cassian was still alive, and although she had thought that leaving was the best thing to do, right now, after a couple of months, she wasn’t so sure anymore. It was when she realized what that painful sensation of loneliness meant, that she wrote the letter.
It was, for her the biggest step she’d ever made towards someone; it was also a possibility, a new start, a chance she was giving to both herself and Cassian.
Was this affection? Did it mean she was also growing, as a person, as human being? Facing fear after fear, for oneself and for friends and for him, all out of some desperate need to accomplish the impossible? To be forgiven by the very same man who had sworn to have justice and law enforced and respected?
She didn’t have the answer, nor she was sure she wanted one.
For months, Cassian thought he would never be whole again, until one morning a letter arrived.
He left Coruscan without a word, grabbing everything he had and loading an old car. He crossed the country without a word, leaving behind everything he had.
After ten days he reached a small cottage by the coast.
Jyn contour was fading in the dim light of the twilight.